ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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