Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize