He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
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You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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