well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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