a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize