God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
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Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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