the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize