I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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