Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize