New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize