If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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