Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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