i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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