Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
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I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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