I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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