My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
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She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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