i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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