I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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