you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize