well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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