I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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