I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize