I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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