honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
