I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize