Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize