On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
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She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
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You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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