I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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