well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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