Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
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took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
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He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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