Don't make out with my wife yet
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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