What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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