worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i think im in europe. pls send help
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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