How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
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Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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