Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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