One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she smelled like a LAN party
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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