He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize