I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
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once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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