Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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