if you like me you must not know who I am
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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