she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize