mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
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he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
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No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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