Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
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That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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