I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
