my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
They have beer where we have blood.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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