I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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