I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
as a side note pls kill me
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