What a fucking waste of an outfit
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
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She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
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He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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