shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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