Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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