Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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